First Sign of Remorse
by Lazy to Write
Summary: Few days before announcing the ban on Fomicry, Jade reflected on the things that happened leading to him making this decision. Sort of a prequel to my other crossover fic Fonic Interruption, could also be read alone.


A/N: This is a one shot for my TOA and TOS crossover fanfic **Fonic Interruption**. It is set to be a few weeks before **FI** and could be treated as a prequel to it. It could also be read alone. Please also check **FI** out if you have the time.

I haven't read the novel concerning Jade's past, so this may or may not differ from the novel.

Things you need to know before this chapter:

_Character thinking_; _Character remembering a past event/conversation_

Sensei - teacher

Disclaimer: I don't own Tales of the Abyss.

* * *

**First Sign of Remorse**

"Jade, is everything ok? You have been acting weird lately." A pale lavender haired scientist asked the chestnut haired man before him with a concerned look in his eyes.

Jade Curtiss, also known as Jade the Necromancer, soldier and scientist of the military of the Empire of Malkuth and a genius and expert of Fonic Artes, didn't say anything but stared at the smaller man before him. After a few minutes, the concerned look on the man was replaced by a look of unease and he started fidgeting with the hem of his laboratory coat.

After another minute passed, he thought that Jade was not going to answer his question and began to turn away.

"Saphir." Although Jade's voice was very soft, Saphir heard it right away and turned back towards his friend.

"Yes?" The lavender haired scientist, Saphir Wyon Neis, one of the lead researchers in Malkuth Research Laboratory, also referred to as the genius fon technician and engineer of the century, asked as he looked at Jade eagerly.

"Do you know what a distorted person is?"

"Wha-?" Saphir blinked at the randomness of the question.

"Answer me."

"A distorted person is someone whose mind is twisted, deformed and misshapen, as with an aberration or bias. It isn't as if way you don't know it already, so why do you ask?" Saphir asked and tilted his head slightly towards his right side.

"_Distorted bastard!" The man shouted at him with his dying breath._

"Do you think I am a distorted person?"

"Wha- what are you talking about!? There is no way that the word distorted could be associated with you! What brought this on anyway? Is it pea-brain?" Saphir's eyes narrowed at the thought of the blond idiotic prince putting weird ideas into his best friend and idol's head.

Jade sighed at Saphir's nickname of their common friend. "You shouldn't call him that, he is after all the crown price and future emperor of the country you are living in, at least show some respect."

"The only ones I respect are you and Nebilim sensei, well, also Nephry. There is no way I'm referring to that stupid, rappig-loving moron as my superior." Saphir snorted as folded his arms before him.

Jade winced slightly at the mention of Nebilim, their beloved sensei that he killed with his own hands, when he was still known as the Devil Child back in Keterburg, their hometown.

"Fine, do what you want. And no, His Highness has nothing to do with it."

"He better not, who in their right mind would call you distorted anyway?" Saphir said and frowned, a look of distaste apparent on his face.

_If only you knew..._

Then Saphir's look became that of curiosity and asked, "So what brought this on? Did something happen?"

"Now why would you think that something happened?" Jade asked, the corner of his lips twitched upward.

"As I have said, you have been acting weird lately, always staring off and spacing out. Then there was this random question that you just asked..." Saphir trailed off and tried to think of other strange behaviours of Jade recently.

"Now, now, don't think too hard or your nose will start to run again~_" _Jade said with a cheerful tone.

"Wha-? Jaaade! My nose didn't run! Stop making fun of me you meanie!_" _Saphir cried out with a shrill voice and stomped away.

Jade's gaze followed the retreating back of the easily worked up man, amused at his friend's childish behaviour despite being at the age of twenty two.

_Something never changed. _He thought and smiled slightly.

However, once the angry scientist disappeared from his view, the amused look and smile on the Necromancer was replaced with a faraway look.

_Even Saphir noticed my distraught... I have to do something about it lest the whole Grand Chokmah, maybe even the whole Malkuth, notice my state of unease._

**** 2 months ago ****

The first thing he noticed was the smell of medicine. He knew from the distinctive smell that he was, once again, in the hospital, the place he hated the most, unless when he was the one standing beside the operative table working on corpses.

_What happened? Why am I here again?_

He slowly cracked open his eyes to look at the white ceiling of the room. He looked around and saw Peony standing next to the bed.

"Took you long enough." Peony said and narrowed his eyes at the man on the bed.

_Peony is here... but if he's here, shouldn't-_

"_Get ready to take the data."_

"_Okay."_

_He pushed the red button and the machine roared to life. He noticed something was not right as sparks appeared all over the machine._

"_Wha-"_

"_Jade!" The other man in the room also noticed that something was wrong and began running towards him._

_The last thing he remembered before losing conscious was pale lavender hair and the sound of explosion._

_Saphir!_

Remembering the frail scientist that was also within the explosion range, he started to get up and wanted to check whether the smaller man survived or not. However, before he could get up, Peony punched him square in the face and knocked him down onto the bed.

"Give it a rest already! Dead people just can't come back to life, no matter what you do! Besides, try to think a little about how Nephry, Saphir and I would feel if you were to die!" Peony shouted.

A moment of silence, then Jade asked. "Where is he?"

"He survived, but he isn't as lucky as you. From what we gathered, he was the one that pushed you out of the immediate range of the explosion."

"... I see, so his tenacity of the cockroach helped him survive again."

"This is not the time to joke! He, no, the two of you could have really died this time! And if you die, it's all over!"

_All over... I can't grasp the concept of death... but I understand that it's the end..._

Suddenly feeling very tired, he dropped heavily onto the bed and crossed his right arm over his eyes.

"I would like some time to think alone." His whispered.

He heard footsteps residing and then the sound of the door being opened and closed.

**** Flashback ****

It wasn't the first time he used a living being as the subject for the Fomicry experiment, nor would it be the last time. He had no remorse to experiment on another human being. After all, he never comprehended death and never understood why death was scary. And with such a willing subject like Saphir, one could never tell.

A groan was resounded from the subject that was chained to the Fomicry machine and the man slowly cracked open his eyes and took in his surroundings.

"My, it seems you are already awake, as expected of a seasoned Kimlascan soldier."

"What do you want, Necromancer?" The soldier, who was already too weak to struggle against the bond and had decided to resign to his fate, sneered at him.

"Are you going to interrogate me? Sorry to disappoint you, but I am used to torture and would never betray my own country."

"Torture is only for barbarians, what I have in stall for you is more... fun."

"As if anything out of your twisted mind can be considered fun."

Jade rarely bothered conversing with his experimental subjects, but this man was different from others. His other subjects just started shouting at him, begging him to spare their lives, some even trembled so much that they couldn't even get a word out due to fear once they noticed that they were captured by the infamous Necromancer, the one that was rumoured to scavenge corpses after battle.

No, this one was different. This one... amused him.

"I am feeling generous today, maybe I will... indulge your curiosity on the scheme you will be taking part in."

He then briefly explained the concept behind Fomicry, how it would help mankind to find a way to overcome death and how the man should be honoured that he could become a part of this experiment.

"I admit it is... fun. This is the most funny and bizarre story I have ever heard, as if a simple copy could replace the original." The man said and spat on the ground before him.

"It's too bad that you don't seem to understand the possibilities it could bring." Jade said with an eerily calm tone.

"To hell I would, you are delusional, Necromancer!" The man shouted.

"I see I have wasted enough time, let's proceed with the experiment." Jade said and snaked his hand over the control panel.

He pulled down the lever and watched as electricity flowed through the machine and light enveloped the man.

The man shouted as immense pain ripped through his body.

"Distorted bastard!" The man shouted at him with his dying breath.

After the light fade off, the man, no, not the original, but his replica, was lying on the platform of the Fomicry machine, unconscious.

**** End Flashback ****

_Why am I remembering this now?_ Jade mused as he recalled a scene that happened nearly two and a half years ago during the Hod War. A scene he didn't think important and just outright ignored all these time.

_I never thought what I did was wrong... no, that's not it, I know it's wrong, I just couldn't comprehend how wrong it is and why I should feel anything about it. I couldn't understand the feeling of remorse, just as I couldn't grasp the concept of death. However..._

"_Dead people just can't come back to life, no matter what you do!"_

… _is it finally time for me to end all this? Is it finally time for me to move on and stop focusing on a past that we could never go back to?_

"_Jade!"_

"_He survived, but he isn't as lucky as you. From what we gathered, he was the one that pushed you out of the immediate range of the explosion."_

_I never understand how Saphir could keep on clinging to me after all that had happened and I could never understand how he could take all those abuse in stride. I am not sure what I am feeling about him exactly... grateful to him for never leaving me? Or annoyed at him for always tagging along even when he's not wanted?_

"_This is not the time to joke! He, no, the two of you could have really died this time! And if you die, it's all over!"_

_I know Peony is not exaggerating, we could really die this time. My own death does not scare me, nor did the others' death scared me, but...is Saphir scared of death? Well, of course he is. What would I feel if he was to die? Would it be like the time when Nebilim sensei died? Would I just start to create a replica of Saphir... to replace him?_

"_This is the most funny and bizarre story I have ever heard, as if a simple copy could replace the original."_

"_To hell I would, you are delusional, Necromancer!"_

_Am I delusional? Is it really not possible to revive the dead no matter what we do? No, I have always known that it is impossible to replace the dead. I was just deceiving myself, I was just looking for a way to lessen my guilt._

* * *

"So what's your answer?" Peony asked as soon as he saw Jade walked into the room and eyed the clutch that was supporting his friend.

Light was being reflected from Jade's glasses making Peony impossible to tell what Jade was thinking. "I think it is time for me to stop this once and for all. I have been running from it for too long."

They were in the room where Saphir was in in the hospital. Peony knew his friend would come to check on the frail scientist after he had come to a decision and had been waiting in the room. Well, that was not his sole intention, he also wanted to visit Saphir.

"I am glad you've come to the correct decision." Peony then turned to look at the man lying on the bed.

"Despite all his injuries, he looks so peaceful now. It's a shame that the only time we could stay in the same room without arguing is when he is unconscious on a hospital bed." Peony sighed dramatically and continued. "How do you think he would handle it? I for one could only imagine him throwing tantrums at hearing your decision."

"How right Your Highness is. I am sure he would definitely throw a tantrum, maybe even some of the valuable breakables in the palace at Your Highness and your beloved pets if Your Highness is the one to break the news to him." Jade said cheerfully.

"I hate it when you said something like that with that annoying tone of yours." Peony turned and glared at Jade.

"Could you make the announcement tomorrow?" Jade's tone changed so sudden that Peony would do a double take if he hadn't known him for so long already.

"What is it with the rush?" Peony asked.

"I just want to get it over with as soon as possible."

"No, we would have to at least wait until all other personnel involved are discharged from the hospital. You owe them at least that much. And what about Saphir?"

"What about him?" Jade asked as if there wasn't anything wrong about it.

"_What about him!? _Of course we need to let him know about it _before_ we made the announcement!" Peony exclaimed unbelievably.

Jade sighed. "You are right, he is the other lead researcher of Fomicry, he should know about it beforehand."

"_What!? _Is that what you really think? The only reason he needs to know beforehand is that he is the other lead researcher?" Peony half shouted at Jade.

"May I remind Your Highness that we are currently in the hospital where shouting is prohibited? Not to mention it is unbecoming of a crown prince." Jade replied with that tone of his that Peony so hated.

"Wha- you are impossible!" Despite what he said, Peony did lower his voice. "If you don't want to tell him, I will do it for you."

"No, it's fine. I will tell him myself." Jade said as he inwardly shuddered at the memory of having to use their research fund to pay for all the damage Saphir caused when Peony teased him a little bit too much last time.

**** End Flashback ****

_I knew that no replica could replace her. I may be able to create replicas that shares the same appearance, same genetic make up and even same habits as her, but none will have her memory and soul. _

He remembered his desperation to hear from his beloved sensei that she was not mad at him for killing her being so much that he would stop at nothing to revive her, if not for Peony.

_It may still be a long time till I could fully get over Nebilim sensei's death... no, get over isn't the correct word since I couldn't even comprehend the concept of death yet, but that's the best I could come up with. _He then recalled his not feeling anything for all those that died by his hand during the war.

_I should have felt relieved now that I have decided to stop this stupid charade. Yet why... why do I have the feeling that something is amiss_? _I feel as if there is something else I need to do... but what exactly_? _What am I missin-_

"Jade, there you are! I have been searching all over for you!" A voice exclaimed cutting off his train of thought.

Moments later Saphir latched onto his right arm and started tugging on his sleeves.

"What are you still doing here? Have you been standing here spacing off again after I left?" Saphir asked even though he knew that he was unlikely to receive any answer from the other man.

"Let's go, we need to-"

"Saphir, there is something I need to tell you." Saphir paused in his attempt to drag Jade by his arm to the laboratory and looked at him with a curious look.

"I..." The word caught in his throat as he saw Saphir's always eager expression whenever he was to say something to him, suddenly not knowing what to say and how to break the news to him.

_What am I doing? Why can't I tell him? ... am I... afraid? But of what? _Jade thought, confused at his own inability to tell the smaller man, the man that had always been following him no matter what unspeakable things he did to him and how bad and careless he treated him for the last fifteen years, of his decision to ban the research of Fomicry.

The image of Saphir with a tear-streaked face and a mixture of sorrow and hatred in his eyes suddenly flashed through his mind.

_Nonsense, as if I would ever be afraid of Saphir's reaction. _Jade inwardly frowned at his own stupidity of even remotely thinking of something so _ridiculous_.

Noticing the hesitation in his friend and idol, a look of worry fell over Saphir's face. "What is it Jade? It is not like you to hesitate saying what is on your mind, are you feeling all right? Did you have enough sleep last night? Do you need to see a doc-"

"Never mind, it is nothing important." Jade said, cutting off his friend's overreaction.

"If you say so..." Saphir trailed off, still looking unconvinced.

"Anyway, we need to go now, we cannot start the experiment without you!" He exclaimed and resumed his attempt to drag Jade to the laboratory.

_It doesn't matter if I tell him now. He will find out sooner or later once the announcement is out. _Jade thought as he shrugged off the hand holding onto his arm and started walking in front of Saphir towards the laboratory.

_He would just come back to me even if he doesn't like my decision anyway. _Jade thought as he listened to the familiar footsteps following him.

_Yes, I can't imagine him not following me again because of anything._

* * *

**Author's note:**

As I've said, this is sort of a prequel to my other fanfic, **Fonic Interruption**. However, I'll have you know that that fiction is NOT about Jade. He makes an appearance there, but he's not a main character. Saphir, or Dist, is one of the main characters in that fic. In fact, **Fonic Interruption** will be more about the Daath crew (e.g. the God Generals). So check it out if you're ok with it.


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